“Don’t let yourself get attached to anything you are not willing to walk out on in 30 seconds flat if you feel the heat around the corner” “Damn all these beautiful girls…. they only want to do you dirt” Back when I was in a relationship, I was the world’s shittiest boyfriend ever. What I learned from my girlfriend was that if a woman asks you the same question more than once, she already knows the answer, she just wants to see if you’ll lie. Now if you change your answer in any way from the original one you gave, you’re caught. She may also ask you the same question but word or phrase it differently, ask at different times of the day or my favorite wait till you’ve been drinking then ask the same question.

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I commenter asked me in a previous post about emasculation. Today I think one of the few things a woman can do to make me feel emasculated is insult my intelligence by trying to lie to me. On Friday after a nice little ice cream date with a personal trainer ex-gymnast. I went to the usual spot to meet my boy up for a drink or two. When I showed up he was in the middle of a blow out with his girl. From the back story I knew and her hand gestures I could tell she was trying to force feed him a dick sandwich. By his calm pose and ice demeanor I could tell he wasn’t hungry, in fact my boy is allergic to dick sandwiches and breaks out in hives by just the smell of them.

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When it was over he came to the bar and we started drinking our beers. To make a long story short, she tried to lie to him and he had to say goodbye on the Sam Spade tip. See to be good at what we do you have to learn the behavioral patterns of a lover when she’s really into you at the beginning. You use this as a baseline. Then later on when her behavior patterns change or spike you can compare it to the baseline and you’ll know the jig is up. When she doesn’t kiss you back as passionately as she used to, when she doesn’t squeeze your hand as tight as before, if her mind seems to be somewhere else, and when she comes up with different stories to the same questions you’ve asked before. You might as well put on that old school Dru Hill because someone has been sleeping in your bed.

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The thing is, you already know the answer you already know what’s going on, in fact you’re ok with it. You’re a man and your not afraid of competition. But when you ask that question and look into her eyes, what you’re hoping for is that she has enough respect for you, enough feeling to just be honest and tell the truth. You’re looking for a reason to stay, hell to fight for her for this. But when she lies, she’s already gone. All you can say to her is to the left to the left. When you’re dating a female player, it’s kill or be killed.

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This is the lifestyle guys like us have chosen, you attract a certain type of girl. The ones you can never really trust or let get close. So this is the price we all pay. I start to tell him about the VK revenge package specially tailored for the attempted dick sandwich. It’s going to involve a ski mask, duct tape, ice hot, a french tickler…… and just before I get to the part about small pets that are able to fit inside a microwave, he walks away. I look up and he’s talking to this tall (6′0 with heels) gorgeous, skinny brunette in a strapless blue dress. Her arms are toned from yoga or pilates and he has his hand on her perfect little phatty and grinning while she’s looking up making eyes at him. I over hear him say something about management having a strict no flirting policy and five minutes later he’s got her number and a date next Wednesday. I’m like, “Check. Out. This. Mother. Fucker” He walks back to the bar and says, “What were we talking about again?” I give him a terrorist fist jab and drink up. Just then I get a text from pump fake reading, “going to Tattoo, where are you VK”. I smile and remember… this is the life we’ve chosen.

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